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A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.

They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3am and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."

"Oh yeah? Let me see Your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You damned liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"

When she farted she launched herself into orbit.She lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.When I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!She could be the eighth continent.She nearly put Safeway out of businessThe only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.Her Uni graduation photo was an aerialWhen she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.She make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.Her belt size is Equator.she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lidShe wears an 'X' jacket and Copters attempt to land on herShe shows up on radar.She needs a map to find her butt.She fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!She wears an asteroid belt.Her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'she has TB ... 2 bellys.She's once, twice, three times a lady.The circus use her as a trampolineStunt agencies use her as an air mattressWhen she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'She got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screenShe once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit.As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"The lion answers, "That little fucker makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on ecstasy!"